I started this post a year ago today as I was devastated and had no idea of what to do. Writing things down didn’t really make it any easier to deal with as it made it feel real. But, for me at least, it kept it from all being bottled up with no release. I’ve been debating publishing this but I’m finding as time goes on, it’s feeling more like rambling and less like journaling so maybe publishing will help me move along somewhat.

August 22, 2024,

I had thought of this title one day while looking at my wife’s hair brush on my side of the bathroom counter. Our vanity is quite small and while we each have our own side, she constantly leaves her hair brush on my side when she’s done with it. I used to get mad at this and I would grumble to myself while I put the brush away.

One day, a few years ago, it hit me that eventually, either she wouldn’t be around to leave her brush there, or I wouldn’t be around to put it away.

At the time, that saddened me beyond belief. So, I changed my attitude about the brush infringing on my space and now, I smile while putting it away. And I came up with the title; “Today’s the day”, for when that would end. Of course, that would mean that she was no longer around as no one would know about it if it was me who wasn’t around.

It hit home for me today when I got the message from my friend John that he’d found his wife, Marni, in bed and not breathing when he’d arrived home from work yesterday. He did CPR, called 911 and had the paramedics take her to the hospital. She had a massive stroke as they tried to revive her. And now she lays in a bed in the ICU, brain dead. She’s never coming home.

It was so surreal seeing her lying in that hospital bed, looking like she was sleeping peacefully. But no matter how loud it got in her room, there was no waking her up. I had never seen her so quiet for so long, as she really liked to talk.

Tomorrow they’ll test her again to see if there is any blood flow to her brain and pronounce her deceased if there isn’t. She’ll go to either Calgary or Edmonton for a transplant team to see if her organs are viable. I so hope they are so she can help someone in need.

August 23, 2024

I was happy that my wife, Lynda, was one of the HCAs on shift Wednesday night so she could offer some care to Marni and John would see a familiar face as he sat at her bedside.

Just before 11:00 am, Marni failed the test, and the doctors called it.

She was sent to Calgary to have her organs harvested in the ultimate act of recycling.

Rest in peace Marni.

I’ll do whatever I can for John.

August 29, 2024

Today John is making the arrangements at the funeral home and he messaged me that being handed Marni’s death certificate was harder than sitting in the ICU with her. What do you say to someone giving you that news?

I can not imagine, nor do I want to.

I am rarely at a loss for words, and yet, I have no words that can help either of us in this situation.

John did ask me to help him write Marni’s obituary, being a journalist and all. I’m a bit rusty on the writing side of things but, to me, an obituary actually tells the story of a person’s life, and I want do my best to tell Marni’s story.

September 15, 2024

John had a memorial get together for his neighbours and Marni’s previous co-workers. It was a really good turnout and showed just how much Marni was loved. I don’t think she really understood how much people cared about her.

October 17, 2024

It’s John’s 59th birthday today and he’s getting a tattoo done to honour Marni and hopefully, help him start to heal. I went along to photograph and video it for him. I’m hoping to use it for a short video in my camera club’s year end competition as I don’t know what else to do with the footage.

November 11, 2024

Marni called John, Donkey, and he decided to get another tattoo to hear her voice when he looked at it. He once again had Dylan Brown at Bad & Bougie Studio do the tattoo for him. Dylan picked Eeyore as the donkey to use and John loved it.

November 20, 2024

John gave his notice at work today. I was more surprised it took him this long than the fact he actually did it. He had come to Alberta because Marni wanted to and he’s hated it from day one. I pointed out that I was the best thing in Alberta, but apparently 27 years of wanting to be somewhere else overrides my charms. Lol.

I find myself jealous of his escape, but not of the circumstances.

December 23, 2024

John stopped in the store today to buy a used camera for his upcoming trip and to show me the letter he received from the recipient of Marni’s lungs. It was a lovely, heartfelt letter and I skimmed through it because I could feel tears just below the surface and I didn’t want to get there and still have to work. He said he plans to write them back. He told me it had put him into the Christmas spirit because he sure wasn’t feeling it up to that point.

I’m glad it cheered him up a bit.
I know he’s gotten a plethora of invites for Christmas and I know he’s really not up for any of them.
He said he plans to be out looking to do some photography all by himself.

December 28, 2024

John worked his last day today.

It wasn’t all that busy a day so we visited a bit.

Our boss, Collin, had a post Christmas party at his house after work and he gave John a Pentax 110 camera kit that had come in on trade and John had coveted since he saw it. It was a nice little get together.

John plans to go visit Marni’s parents on Vancouver Island so he can put her ashes at the family cabin. He tells me he’ll be back to help me work the McBain booth at the outdoor show at the end of February and beginning of March but I’ll believe that when I see it.

January 1, 2025

As far as I know, John left for BC today. I was hoping to see him off but he just disappeared and hasn’t answered any messages so far today so I’m assuming he’s on the road.

February 28, 2025

I set up the booth for the Red Deer Sports and Outdoor Show all by myself as John hasn’t shown up yet. I called him to see where he’s at and he’s still in Nanaimo. The mountain road up to the cabin just opened up so the family is taking Marni’s ashes up there tomorrow. It’s no surprise that I’m working by myself as John isn’t exactly in the here and now with the rest of us. He wasn’t when he told me he’d come help me out either. I knew that, and I really didn’t expect to see him. At least Leighton, my Vortex rep, will be here tomorrow to help me out so I won’t work all three days by myself.

I hope the weather holds for John and the rest to get up to the cabin like they want to. He told me he plans on heading for Ontario soon and plans to stop by for a few days before heading all the way down there.

March 22, 2025

John popped into the store today while I was helping a customer so he literally, gave me a hug, then ran out the door to go help someone with their computer. He said he’d call me later to go over what’s wrong with my computer.

And, he did actually call and managed to fix my problem. We made a date for a morning walk at the dog park. Lol

March 23, 2025

No one else showed up so it was just John and I walking Noodle around the park for the first time in 5 months. I think she misses the park as we took a nice leisurely walk to make the loop around. We covered a few topics of conversation but of course, talk of Marni dominated for the most part. He had gotten a cremation tattoo done on Vancouver Island of a stag and it shimmered in places as Marni’s ashes reacted with the light hitting it.

John still isn’t dealing all that well and I can’t blame him, nor, can I really help him. Lack of finding a solution is what frustrates me the most. He’s leaving to visit family in Ontario in the morning and we agreed to meet for breakfast before he hits the road.

March 24, 2025

Well, no breakfast out as I never did hear from John before he left. Safe travels my brother.

May 14, 2025

My video, “Honouring Marni,” placed 2nd in the video category at the CAPS Spring Competition. I was glad it was well received but it looks like I edited out a bit of important dialog. I’ll have to re-edit that back in at some point. It was rough getting the video done. Between the subject matter and having a 3 minute limit, (it ran 11 minutes when I put the 1st draft together) it was about 10 hours of editing to get it done. And then I still screwed it up. Sigh.
John told me he liked it though and that’s all that really matters to me.

June 10, 2025

John’s latest post on Facebook shows he’s really not doing all that good these days.
It’s so frustrating being so far away and not being able to help him out. I’m not convinced there is anything I could do if he was here, but at least we could sit down together and talk. Not being able to help is just so hard to deal with.

June 29, 2025

I’m not sure if he’s getting better or not as John’s been pretty quiet lately, but he did share some casual portraits he took at It’s Your Festival. Taking photos of people is John’s happy place and I know he’s been struggling to get people to model for him. Hopefully, this gets him moving in some kind of direction. I know what feeling rudderless is like and it’s hard to watch someone else go through that.

July 5, 2025

I finally got around to getting the re-edit done on my video and got it uploaded to my YouTube channel. https://youtu.be/95769ZLea4I (shameless plug) I’m glad it all makes sense now. John was really appreciative. He shared the link on his Facebook account. I’m hoping that’s a sign he’s starting to heal.

July 18, 2025

Today John posted a few portrait images he had taken recently to both Facebook and Instagram. He seemed pretty happy with them and happy about taking them. I don’t know if he’s starting to get back to “normal” as I’m pretty sure he’s still trying to find his normal. But I think it bodes well for him to be able to go forward with his life. He’s been spinning his wheels and drifting aimlessly by all accounts, so it would be fantastic for him, and all of us who worry about him, if he’s found a purpose to concentrate on.
John was never that guy to dwell on things; either good or bad. He just took what was thrown at him and dealt with it as it came. Seeing him like he’s been for the past 11 months has been hard. Really hard for me as I like to help people out with problems and he’s not actually here to keep an eye on and doing that long distance is a bit tough.

August 3, 2025

It was nice to see John post some photos of people at the street festival he was at in Hamilton, Ontario. If I had been there, I’m sure I would have done a better job. LOL. (I don’t really shoot people much and this is always the flack I get from him so I figured I’d turn it around.) I gave him props for getting out and using his camera.

August 9, 2025

In 15 days it will be a year since John lost Marni. Today, his grief is a giant boulder for him to carry and it’s heartbreaking to read his posts on social media. Its frustrating to offer support without being able to actually offer anything helpful.

August 21, 2025

I was hoping writing this down would act as a kind of journaling but I feel like it’s turning into more a repetitive ramble so I think I’ll publish it tomorrow and try to come up with another way to cope.

Marni’s life may have been a lot like dropping a pebble in a pond but I don’t think she could have ever imagined how deep or wide ranging the ripples resulting from her death would be.