It’s been a year and 2 weeks since I’ve tried to write anything on my blog and over 2 years since I actually published something. I tried to express my feelings on the day my dad passed away, but not only did I struggle to write anything, I couldn’t even save it properly.

I realized that I wasn’t going to get it done and kept telling myself that I would get to it. Sigh. Not so much. I’ve had a whole year to edit the thoughts in my head, but that doesn’t guarantee they will make sense as they are still changing.

I never got to say good bye to my dad.

Sure, he was back in the hospital when we were leaving on vacation, but he had been in there so much in the previous 9 months that it was old hat. He looked sick and had since he was admitted in October of 2012. I remember the first time I went to visit him after he was first admitted and the way he looked it hurt me physically to look at him. I thought he looked like a holocaust survivor. I was wrong of course as he looked more so at the end. We planned to bring Adam in so he could tell dad all about his adventure in China with his aunt.

When I got the message from my mom that he wasn’t doing so good I debated on coming straight home but I guess I never really believed he was as bad as he was. I missed the phone call from the hospital and they never left a message. By the time I decided to cut our vacation short and go home it was getting pretty late so I decided we would early in the morning to go home from Lethbridge.

We got to the hospital 20 minutes after dad had died. I was so torn up that I never made it back in time then I learned he had been in pain and was heavily medicated so I was thankful that I never saw that. I saw him weak and frustrated but never in pain.

It was hard enough watching dad get weaker and weaker and be able to do less and less for himself. My mom had to help him with everything. I did what I could to help but I really didn’t do very much for him. I know that even if I did more for him it wouldn’t of mattered, but still.

Dad hadn’t planned on attending his granddaughter’s wedding as he couldn’t even walk by himself anymore but changed is mind and we all went up together. I remember his sitting in his wheelchair watching the dancing and not looking too happy and I said “Smile, it’s a wedding.” He nodded and gave me a half grin. I believe he knew the end was near and that’s why he changed his mind. He lived to see his granddaughter get married and I think that was his goal. He died less than a month after attending the wedding.

Rest in peace dad. I miss you.

The old man looking puppy at Buck Lake, August 2011.

According to my Vet’s records today would have been Gringo’s 14th birthday.

When I took him to the Vet last Saturday to be put down due to old age I already considered him to be 14. Maybe it was just so I’d feel better about having to do it. But I don’t. I’ve never had to do anything so hard in all my life and I hope I never have to.

I probably should have taken him in sooner as he wasn’t eating much the last couple of month. He would go in spurts of eating and I guess it gave me hope that it was normal for him to not eat much anymore. During the last week he ate like normal, except he wouldn’t eat dog food and we were giving him rice and carrots.

It was sad to see him go from puppy to old man in such a short period of time. I suspect moving to our new place sped that up some as once again we had stairs in the house. He was alway so full of energy and joy. Everyone who came to the house was there to see him in his mind. And if you played with him you really were a friend. He was still willing to play right up to the end. He chased a tennis ball around the yard just a week ago, albeit a lot slower than normal, but he chased it nevertheless.

He never showed any signs of being in any pain in that he never whimpered or whined at all. But by the way he would walk up and down the stairs I think he probably was. He never really complained about anything, except being outside when he wanted in. Then he’d make it sound like you’d left him out there for hours in sub freezing temperatures.

A lot of people say that their dog was the best dog. I don’t think we can really measure that. I think Gringo was the best dog I could have gotten at the SPCA and I am so glad I went there that fateful day in January of 1999.  It had to be fate because I don’t have any other answers to how such a beautiful dog could have been there for 2 months. Even though I never did walk him as much as I should have, I’m pretty sure I provided a good life for him. We sent him to a kennel in the spring of 1999 as we had to go out-of-town for a wedding and that was the last time he was ever in a cage. He’s only get chained up while we were camping and that’s only because he would just keep wandering off to explore the newly bigger yard.

So happy birthday Puppy. I’ll may only mourn you for a short time but I’ll never forget you.

Had the funeral today for my wife’s grandmother, or Grammy as she was known to her grandchildren. She was Great Grammy to my son and his cousins.
At some point in their lives she looked after all her grandchildren,  great-grandchildren and even her great-great grandson. They don’t make them like her anymore.

She was 96 years old and I swear she was the toughest frail looking lady I’ve ever met. She lived in her own home till she was 95 and did most of her own yard work and maintainance until she was 92.

I’ve known her for about 20 years and have never met someone so kind and caring. She always made you feel welcome in her home and she always liked a good conversation. She would ask questions and recall the details in conversations years later.

She was in her mid 80’s when we needed someone to watch Adam for us as we both needed to work. Grammy volunteered to do it with no hesitation. While we were all apprehensive, we decided to let her watch him. They spent many hours together and could often be found napping in the yard on her swing. He liked to help her around the house and she taught him many thing; 1 of which was how to play cribbage and he is very, very good at it.

I am so thankful for the time they had together as I never got to know my grandparents or great grandparents like Adam got to know Great Grammy.

As I mentioned earlier she did a lot of things for herself and didn’t like to ask for help with things. She would ask if she needed help, but she always worried about being a bother. Her attitude was “I can do that myself.” And she often would.
Even when she ended up in the hospital for the first time in her life she was concerned about being a bother for the rest of us.

I got to visit with her 3 days before she passed away and it broke my heart to see her so frail and in obvious distress. While saddened at her passing, I was happy that her suffering had ended.

It was an honour to know her and I am truly grateful for everything she did for my family and I.
Saying I’ll miss her seems so cliché, but it is true.

Bye Grammy.

The sign on the rest stop at Cass Lake, Minnesota reads “no camping” but I figured sleeping in a vehicle isn’t camping and by the half-dozen trucks stopped there I’d say they agreed.

Wow, 7:30am comes early when you go to bed at 4! Oh well, gotta hit the road anyway. Checking the map we realized we’d driven half way across the state before we stopped. As we are heading to Duluth for breakfast we cross the Mississippi River – looks like a small creek here. I wonder if the western half had anything to see?

Duluth looks like a pretty neat city with lots of interesting old buildings. Too bad the weather isn’t conducive to walking around as it feels like a monsoon with lots of wind and rain. I guess I’ll just have to go back when it’s nicer out.

Still monsooning through Wisconsin so no photos.

More of the same lousy weather in Michigan. No, my mistake – it’s raining harder here. Some of the places here would be fabulous for photos, but when the waves on Lake Superior look like ocean surf it’s not a good idea. It’s pitch dark out and we are 40 miles from the Canadian border when the rain stops. Oh, and less than 2 minutes to clear the border coming back into Canada.

On to Sault Ste Marie for the night. Did you know that it’s really, really hard to find someplace to eat open later than 10pm on a weeknight in the Soo? It was a good Boston Pizza, but we were hoping to try a local place. Maybe for breakfast. Our waitress at PB’s phoned a couple of places for us to find us a room – thanks Shannon S – You ROCK!  The Villa Inn Motel wasn’t the fanciest place I’ve ever stayed at, but it was way more comfortable than sleeping in the truck. Only put 900km on today, seems pretty slack after yesterday, oh well.

When my friend Dave agreed to come with me on my Quebec road trip people asked us if we planned to stop along the way and take pictures or blast straight through?
We did stop in Rouleau, Saskatchewan; at the old set of Corner Gas for a couple of pictures, on our way to the US border.
We got through the border in about 5 minutes so it proves my theory that my wife is the problem in crossing the border as we never got hassled at all.

And around 9 hours later Dave was taking photos of the Erskine, ND sign – and that was a couple of hours before we got to bed – sleeping in the truck as there wasn’t a hotel/motel room to be had in either North Dakota or Minnesota for a couple of happy-go-lucky travellers. Apparently the beer festival in Minot is a really, really big deal in this part of the world.
We left Red Deer at 6am on Sept. 28th and we didn’t stop to sleep till 4am on the 29th – 22 hours later. Granted, it was local time so that takes off an hour  for the time change and another hour when we stopped for supper in Rugby North Dakota. There isn’t much to see in ND when it’s dark out as we had supper about 100 meters away from the “Geographical Center of North America” Monument and never saw it. We lost about an hour stopping to check with hotels/motels and another hour or so when we’d stop for fuel so really it was about 18 hours of driving for 1800 kilometers. So it looks like we are blasting straight through.

I wish I could say the reason I’ve been so out of sorts the last couple of days was a premonition of Christine’s death, but I know that just isn’t the case.

I was shocked and saddened to learn of her suicide. While I want to learn what happened, I know it’s probably for the best not to know.

I always considered Chris a friend even though we’d lost touch for a long time after high school. She was always so nice and easy to talk to but I was always too shy to ask her out.

I was so happy to see her and James come in to see me at work. Sometimes she would come in by herself when she was in town and visit for a bit which always brightened my day.

A few months ago she told me that she’d broken up with James and her job had ended but she was optimistic about her future and she would stay in touch. That never happened.

I’ve thought about her a few times since and last month I asked her brother how she was doing. He told me she was doing good, but obviously not.

It’s been a lifetime since I’ve had any thoughts of suicide, but I remember them well.  I’m often reminded of them everytime one of those “Depression hurts” commercials is on tv because I know it’s true. While I obviously didn’t follow through on any of those thoughts I do understand the process that can lead people to that conclusion. The pain that inflicts on others though, that is a different story. It’s been said that the dying is the easy part. And for those of us left behind with the pain and guilt it seems so true.

Up at 4 a.m. and on the road at 5. What was I thinking? I don’t get up at such an early hour anymore. Westward ho! Off to the mountains to hopefully take some photographs.
I haven’t used my camera for much since my last road trip in Sept/Oct. last year.

It’s snowing like crazy as Gary (former co-worker) and I head out. I leave my newly charged cell phone in my truck – which I remember as we hit the highway. Gary has a phone and I’m sure Lynda won’t text or call me more than a half dozen time. (Was only 2 texts and 1 call.)
I’m glad Gary is driving because the snow is quite hypnotic – I am getting sleepy.

Stopped for fuel and coffee in Nordegg. Ah, that’s better. Wow, has Nordegg changed since I was there last. There is a big sub-division of really nice houses to the north. We checked out the hostel while we are there. Looks really nice.

Off to check out Crescent Falls. Still snowing like crazy – big fluffy flakes falling quite fast as we walk down the hill to check out the falls. Light is pretty flat and it’s still a little dark to get anything nice but it looks like it might clear up soon. Not waiting for that though. We can come back if we have too.

Clouds seem to be getting thinner as we head west and lo and behold , is that the sun poking through? Yes, yes it is. Not bad, but there’s really no place to stop along the un-plowed highway along Abraham Lake. Besides, the clouds are still swirling and the view changes very fast.
“Which way”? Gary asks as we get to Saskatchewan Crossing.
“Clouds look thinner to the south.” I reply and left we go.
Highway 93 is still un-plowed and it’s pretty deep to be driving a minivan in. More and more blue sky showing up as we go so it’s looking pretty promising.

Highway 1 is pretty wet when we get to it. You can sure tell it’s been salted.

We pull into Lake Louise to get something to eat but the restaurant is closed. We go into the cafe next door and ask the stunning blue eyed Australian girl where a good place to eat is.
She pointed us to the hostel, but I would have been happy listening to that accent all day.
Gary was wanting a burger, but as it wasn’t yet 11 o’clock we could only get breakfast. It was so good. I’ll have to go back to try something else.

The sun is now shining pretty strongly so off to Yoho National Park we go to see the Natural Bridge. I’ve never been there so it sounds like a good idea to me.

So it seems there is a lot of snow here as the snow on the bridge is quite packed down and it’s almost 2 feet thick. Don’t step off the path.

The water isn’t high enough to be flowing under the natural bridge, but the river is open in a few spots and we like the look of it so it’s time to snap a few shots.

The sun feels so nice and it’s fairly quiet.

We head up the road to check out Emerald Lake. Weather is good, but nothing inspiring to shoot so back towards Lake Louise it is.

We get fuel in Lake Louise and head east on highway 1A. I like that drive and we see a total of about 10 vehicles by the time we get to Johnson’s Canyon.
I’ve never been there in the winter and it is no where near busy as in the summer. Again, the path is packed down and it’s pretty slippery but not unmanageable.

We take a few shots along the way up to the lower falls. Water shows in a few spots and the rocks look really nice, but the contrast is very high so photos are challenging. There is some really nice ice along the side of the canyon, but I only brought a pretty wide angle lens with me so no detail shots of that. I guess I’ll just have to go back.

The sun is shining on part of the pool at the falls when we get there and the colour is stunning, but the contrast is brutal. Gary has his tripod and fancy schmancy filters so he can handle it a lot better then my hand holding and single polarizer. Hmm, another excuse to go back.

We head into Canmore to get some supper and stop at The Wood Restaurant & Bar. More really good food. The clouds are starting to close in again as we leave so we forgo a stop at Big Hill Springs and head towards Calgary.
The new ring road works pretty good to bypass Calgary and we are soon headed north on our way home.

The sky is quite grey and it’s starting to get dark, but as we crest Antler Hill there is a nice warm glow to the sky over Red Deer.
Almost there and it’s still snowing in town.

I get my truck and head home. 8 p.m. when I roll into the driveway. What a long day, but a pretty good one at that.

Happy New Year everyone (that includes the 4 people who know about my blog).
Well, it’s been a couple of months since I updated my blog. Where does all the time go?
I can’t honestly say my mind hasn’t been wandering, I just haven’t had the time or desire to do any updates.
I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions, but I’ll try to be more diligent in getting updates done. (I can’t promise, but I will try).

I admit that when I first saw the Lensbaby I thought. “What a piece of crap.” But I can admit when I take a narrow view of something without trying it first. I tried a Lensbaby Composer and it’s pretty cool.
Here are a few shots I took yesterday. I’m going to have to try one again when I have some time.

Last day of my road trip. Tooled around Lethbridge for awhile before heading home.