September is suicide awareness month and a lot of my Facebook friends have been sharing posts that point this out. But do we ever really recognize the signs that something is not well with the people in our lives?

A month ago today I posted this on Facebook.

People liked it but not one person asked me if I was okay.

Not one.

My wife and son do ask me periodically and I always say I’m okay, even when I am not totally convinced of it myself.

Just so you know, I am not suicidal, nor am I a threat to myself or others even though I know my brain isn’t working at 100% these days.

I am not pointing this out to shame my Facebook friends and family because they didn’t check on me. I am just showing how easy it is to not see that everything is not fine.

I’ve been guilty of this myself before. I’ve seen posts that seem a bit off and not inquired into the state of mind of the person posting. Thankfully, nothing bad happened to them but it could of turned out differently.

But does checking on someone’s well being really make a difference if they have decided to end it all?

More than 15 years ago I was home alone with my young son and looking out the window, I saw a fellow I had gone to school with walking down the sidewalk across the street. I still remember the urge to run out and yell a hello at him but I don’t remember what Adam and I were doing that I didn’t go out. I attended his funeral about 4 days later. I never did find out if suicide was the cause but, who in their mid 30’s dies on their birthday?

I have spent many an hour thinking about what if I had gone outside to talk to him.

Would I have picked up on his mood? Would it have changed his mind if I had? Would he still be around? I’ve come to realize that I’ll never know so dwelling on it will only drive me crazy. Maybe talking to him that day would of saved him but chances are that he’s already made up his mind and if not that day, then another.

So again, I don’t know for sure if he took his own life but it has been my suspicion since the funeral.

I do know that 9 years ago I had just attended a very emotional funeral for my beautiful, vivacious friend Christine.

She came to visit me at work anytime she was in town and I’d seen here a little over a month before she died. We talked about her losing her job but she was excited about the next chapter of her life. She had also recently broken up with her long time boyfriend but because they shared the house, they would live together until they could work out the details for living separately.

Her hope and optimism seemed leaps and bounds ahead of any tinge of sadness she felt. But was it?

I hadn’t picked up on any negative vibes. Did I miss them or was she hiding them? Knowing I’ll never know the answer to that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

Was she just visiting old friends because she had already made up her mind to end it all? Or, did she just snap one day and that was that? In the grand scheme of it all it really doesn’t matter what the answer is. Or does it?

Would knowing help me spot the signs that someone else is in distress and in need of help?

I don’t know if it would. Short of someone saying; “I want to kill myself”, is there really a way to know that is what is on their mind? It’s easy enough to say you are okay when you aren’t and then assure someone you are if questioned if that is really true.

Spreading the word on suicide awareness is great and I think people should keep doing it and hopefully it will make a difference.

So, I ask again, do we really listen to the answers?